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What have you learned today?

January 27, 2009

Toby has discovered his hands.  What have you learned today?

When I think about how much he grows and learns and changes every day, I’m never sure whether it is a reminder to slow down and savor the simple stuff, or a chastisement for accomplishing so little each day myself.  If I had the singleminded determination that he’s shown his fist, imagine what I could accomplish!  There’d be a lot fewer half-finished projects around here, that’s for sure.

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A week ago I read this post over at Soule Mama.  Talk about folks who make you feel lazy.  I’m overwhelmed with this one little boy, and she’s got four, plus new knitting projects to share, and gorgeous photos to boot.  Anyway, she wrote of wanting time to slow down as her little one, just a few weeks older than mine, hit the two month mark.  And as I read I thought of how much I’ve been wanting time to speed up over the past few months.  Soon I’ll not be pregnant anymore, soon the pain of the C-section will heal, soon I’ll know what these cries mean, soon I’ll feel more comfortable in this new role as mother.  The first few weeks with a baby are tough, and I had a rough time of it.  While I treasure the memories of our tiny baby, I also am impatient for the difficulties of the transition to pass.

And then, this weekend, it hit me.  I’m happy with how things are right now.  I am getting the hang of our new routine, I’m enjoying carring for this new little person, I am completely in love with him just as he is today–even if he doesn’t sleep through the night and even when I can’t stop his crying.  And I’d be happy if he’d stay just like this for a little longer.  I finially want time to slow.

But it doesn’t.  Last week he smiled, this week he’s mastering sucking on his hand, he pushes up his neck further each day, and his eyes are more alert to learning all about this world around him.  He’s growing and changing, and time won’t slow.  I just have to hang on for the ride–to continue imagining who he will become, but also to stay in the moment, watching and loving who he is today.

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